happy birthday to me
It is said that if it doesn’t hurt, you’re doing it wrong. But you shouldn’t have to love someone like a honeybee on a suicide mission.
Your physics teacher once explained that if you sucked out all the empty space from every human on Earth, 7 billion people could fit into an apple. And though you used to think the proximity sounded romantic, now your heart feels ready to burst like a Coke bottle opened just after shaking. And all it will leave behind is a mess that few will want to clean up.
Because even after two months, fourteen days, and five hours, you still can’t stop yourself from Facebook stalking them. Or from rereading history logs of old text messages you promised yourself you’d delete days ago. And there’s still part of you that still hopes to god every time you leave the house that you won’t have to see them — just so you won’t have to pretend you’re fine when the sting of goodbye is still killing you inside out. That while it’s like they’ve already forgotten your name, you still feel like someone is punching hole after hole into your lungs every time you think about theirs. And despite all that you’ve learned from Sunday mass, you’ll realize that there might just be such a thing as hell on this Earth.
And yes, it is said that if it doesn’t hurt, you’re doing it wrong. But if it doesn’t kill both of you in the same damn way, it probably wasn’t love to begin with.”